Week 49: Monday – The Importance of the Village in Marriage

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WHAT IS MARRIAGE?

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”- Genesis 2:18

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning handsprings or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

Helen Rowland, quoted by Robert Keeler in The Toastmaster, Reader’s Digest, June, 1994, p. 130.     

  “To keep your marriage brimming / With love in the loving cup / Whenever you’re wrong, admit it

/ Whenever you’re right, shut up!” – Ogden Nash

Merriam-Webster defined marriage as an intimate or close union.  It is also synonymous to the word matrimony.

Here are some quotes from children, and answers they gave to various questions about matrimony:

a. When asked how to make marriage work:

v  Alan, age 10 said, “You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”

v  10-year-old Ricky advised, “Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.”

b. When asked why people fall in love in the first place:

v  9-year-old Mae said, “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with the way you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.”

c. When asked what falling in love is like:

v  9-year-old Bart commented, “It’s like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.”

v  7-year-old little boy named Gary warned, “Love will find you, even if you’re trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.”

d. What role good looks play when it comes to finding a mate:

v  7-year old boy said, “It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome as anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.”

e.  Why do married couples often hold hands:

v  8 -year old Gavin said, “They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good money for them.”

We can laugh at how these kids view and understand marriage.  But what is that unique thing that makes two persons fall for marriage?  What makes a healthy union?  What are the essential things that hold a good marriage?

Let’s read Genesis 2: 24-25: For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Here are some basic elements that are necessary for a good marriage.

Cleaving.  Couples must learn to abandon their primary allegiance from their family of origin in matters of dependence. They should enter together into an independent and self-sustaining household.

Fixity.  This is the unchanging unity of the couple. It is like gluing something to an object and the only thing that will separate it is by breaking it.  You should devote yourself to one another in commitment and choosing to stick together no matter what.  Both should keep in mind that you are there for good, permanent. It makes no sense to consider going into a bond when you think that you can retreat anytime you want.  Permanence fuels our hope to strive and thrive in a changing society and culture we live in.

Unity.  You are two different individuals working and thriving together for a common goal and shared values.  In any relationship one must persevere to keep the unity. This is love in action by remembering your partner’s unique gift then honing it.  May these gifts be a tool in enriching your bond and be a blessing to the people and community around us.

Affinity And Intimacy.  The closeness of our relationship with our partners will depend upon our transparency.  When we accept who we are and learn to unveil ourselves to one another, it builds trust and intimacy.  We develop a special friendship with our spouses where we are confident in his or her presence and that makes journeying together a reward.

These basic elements are the foundation of starting a new life with someone or maybe if you are contemplating into entering the bond of marriage.  For those who are already journeying together, you can always go back to these principles and remember that it takes both of your effort and will to do the following. But if you stick to this, it will bring confidence and stability, unwavering relationship to the end.

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