Are You The One For Me?
5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.
6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.
7 Impress them on your children…
The value of parents and the influence they have on their children cannot be overemphasized. Indeed the more digitally connected we are, the more emotionally severed we seem to be. Young people today suffer from severe depression and are intensely insecure. Being bullied in school, they seem to feel less and less wanted in a world where outward attractiveness is celebrated. Who will give them value and worth as people, and remind them that real beauty is on the inside? The parents have this most important role.
In continuing our weeklong study on wisely approaching this whole issue of having a lifetime partner, the next question we need to ask is:
Is this person’s character the kind I want my children to have?
Finding That ONE Person
In the Chicago Tribune article ‘Remembering The Big Dipper’s Other Statistics’, Clarence Page wrote about the love life of Wilt Chamberlain, the great basketball legend:
Yes, in the world of sports, Chamberlain’s story was epic in many ways. At 7 foot 1 and 275 pounds, he dominated basketball in the 1960s. His 100-point game in 1962 for Philadelphia was one of the most awesome achievements in sports.
But despite attempts by obituary writers and sports commentators to play it down, Chamberlain probably will be remembered most widely for his babes. Wilt claimed in his 1991 autobiography, “A View From Above,” that he had slept with 20,000 women…
It was the sort of blockbuster disclosure that publishers dream about, the naughty tidbit that sells a lot of books.
Indeed, those numbers are too much. Maybe for some this implies prowess in ‘love’ and ‘conquests’ over the opposite sex. But in love relationships is more necessarily better? Apparently it is not. Towards the end of the article, the author gives some insight into what Chamberlain himself felt about all this.
Yet, according to those who knew him, Chamberlain regretted later that the line about the “20,000 women” would be the only thing most people ever would remember or know about his autobiography.
Few, for example, would know that he went on to write that he would have traded all 20,000 for the one woman he wanted to stay with for keeps…
He also leaves us with an important message: It is not the quantity of your relationships but their quality that counts.
22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.
Quality Begets Quality
A quality marriage will most definitely produce quality children. It’s character that counts and not physical beauty. The wisest way to discern God’s will for your relationship is to begin with the end in mind. If one of our main goals is to produce godly children, then we need to look for a godly spouse.
Probably one of the best ways to know the character of a person is to look at how he or she is at home. How does that person treat the people in his or her family? Does that girl respect her father? How does she treat her brothers? Most likely that’s how she’ll treat you. How does that boy relate with his mother? Is he kind to his sisters? The point is we need to get to know the person well enough to see clearly what kind of life he or she lives.
But most importantly, is this person’s life surrendered to God? The person must not only be a nominal Christian, but rather a firm, strong, and deep believer in the Lord Jesus. In Deuteronomy 6, as the Lord was preparing His people to enter the Promised Land, God gave them the secret to their success. The family was to love God with all their being, but first it had to start with the parents. The commands were to be in their hearts first, then, and only then could they impress them to their children.
A Boy Inspired By His Father
James Dobson Jr. is a man who has influenced scores of people through his ministry in Focus On The Family. He was adviser to numerous Presidents and author of books filled with godly advice and wisdom for the modern family. But before James Jr. influenced anyone, it was James Sr. who first influenced him to be the man he is today.
In his book, ‘Straight Talk To Men’, James Dobson Jr. narrates how when as a young boy, he and his father would spend countless mornings in the woods just to watch the sunrise and observe the beauty of nature together as father and son. These moments became some of the most cherished memories he ever had. These periods with his father also solidified his convictions and fortified his beliefs in God. He writes:
“The intense love and affection generated on those mornings set the tone for a lifetime of friendship. There was a closeness and a oneness that made me want to be like that man… that made me choose his values as my values, his dreams as my dreams, and his God as my God.
James C. Dobson Sr. was a man of many intense loves. His greatest passion was his love for Jesus Christ. His every thought and deed were influenced by his desire to serve his Lord. And I can truthfully say that we were never together without my being drawn closer to God by being simply in my dad’s presence.
My dad loved my mother with great intensity and was deeply committed to her. Before they were married, he spelled out to her his conviction that the ‘marriage vows are inviolable, and by entering into them, I am binding myself absolutely and for life. The idea of estrangement from you through divorce for any reason at all will never at any time be allowed to enter into my thinking.’
Throughout my childhood, I had watched him at home where it was impossible for him to hide his true character. Never once did I see him compromise with evil and abandon the faith, which he lived. His character had been like a beacon for me, illuminating the way.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.